Sing For Absolution
by Little Red In The Tardis
Summary: It was bizarre, seeing the girl in the picture and the girl in front of him, they were not the same person. It was disturbing, to know that someone had broken her spirit. Something had happened to Bella Swan, and he was dying to know what.
1. Prologue

_**Prologue- Lips are turning blue, a kiss I can't renew, I only dream of you, my beautiful**_

_January 21st 2011**  
><strong>_

The street was dark, bathed in the dark and silence that accompanied the hours just before dawn. I lit another cigarette, breathing in the tobacco as though it was the first breath I had taken all day. The night air was damp, the occasional breeze causing me to shiver. I sat on the roof of my house, observing the woods of my small town one last time for a few months. Forks Washington, population a little bit over 3000, 3120 the last time I checked.

I flicked the cigarette butt onto the driveway below me, ticking my lighter into my bra. I stood up looked at the sky, just as a shooting star lit it up. In a very un-lady like fashion, I snorted. _You can't wish upon a star, not for anything. It just lets you down._

I took a deep breath and kneeled down, grabbing a tree branch and dropping my feet onto the ledge of my window. I climbed back inside and shut the window and the blinds, returning my room to its gloomy state. I liked everything better without light.

I was leaving tomorrow morning, my car was packed up and all that was left was to drive out of here in two hours. Driving out meant going home, home to University of Alaska, floor fifteen. This wasn't home anymore.

I often stayed awake, wondering if going to a school over 48 hours away made everything go away. If the month between semesters meant anything, it simply showed that no, nothing went away, everything was filled with memories. _Did I deserve to forget? To leave? Was it running away? Was I a coward? _

My stomach churned and bile rose in my throat as memories I desperately wanted to push out of my mind, flooded as though a dam broke. It's like a watching a train wreck, you desperately want to close your eyes but you can't. The only thing was I couldn't close my eyes, because it was in my head and unless i suddenly learned how to turn off my brain, this could be a problem.

I grabbed my phone, shuffling thought the contacts quickly. I found the desired name and typed out a message, setting my phone down to await a reply.

_You packed yet? ~ Bella_

My phone buzzed alerting my of a reply less than a moment later,

_Just put everything in my car, why are you awake? ~Jasper_

_Couldn't sleep, you want some breakfast? ~Bella_

_Make it pasta and i'll be there in 15 minutes, well actually make that 8, i'm hungry ~Jasper_

_Already boiling water, see you soon ~Bella_

_Stop thinking B, it's bad for your brain ~Jasper_

I forced a smile that probably looked like a grimace, putting on my slippers and walking down the creaky stairs to unlock the door, then setting water to boil in the kitchen.

Exactly 8 minutes later the front door creaked open, and my blond haired, blue eyed, best friend stood in my living room dressed in flannel pajamas and a hoodie.

"Hey B." He came over and wrapped me in a hug, kissing my head. The tension left my body, the panicked feeling gone.

"Hey J." I said, my voice muffled by his hoodie. I let go of him, turning to pour pasta into the pot.

"I'm sorry I was gone, I'm sorry for leaving you here alone." I laughed, trust Jasper to apologize for stupid shit like visiting his family over Christmas break. The Whitlock's were big on family.

"You're an idiot, i'm fine." I took ingredients out of the fridge to make sauce.

"Are you 'i'm really not fine but i'm not gonna say otherwise" or are you "i avoided all my feelings this month so when I get to school i'm gonna unload it through intense song and then break down one random day." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Alright Doctor Phil, there's no need to analyze me just cause your a psychology major. I said i'm fine, i'm just excited to go back to school." We sat in silence as I strained the pasta and warmed the sauce.

"Are you sure your okay? By your lack of e-mails for 4 days, I know you saw him." I didn't answer, pouring sauce on the pasta and garnishing it with cheese. He sighed and tried again.

"I guess it's safe to say though that you won our bet for the break between semesters, you were indeed the most relaxed. You saw 56 movies, baked 12 new desserts, and finished the first two seasons of Lost. You win B." I laughed bitterly, setting a bowl in front of him, and one across from him for me.

"I wasn't trying to win the break J, I was trying to survive it."

We ate in silence.


	2. Chapter One: University of Alaska

_**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all. I own... my computer. **_

_**AN: hey guys :) so i fell off the face of the earth yes i did. But i'm back, with ideas, their over flowing. So you get to read them! Review please :)**_

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><p><em>Sing for Absolution<em>

_I will be singing_

_and falling from your grace_

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><p>Chapter One: University of Alaska<p>

**Bella**

_January 30th 2011  
><em>

"Jasper! Jasper Whitlock you get your stupid ass out of your room now! JASPER! You, brown haired girl, where's Jasper?" I shrugged, barely glancing up from my laptop to address the irritating girl that was banging on Jasper's door. She shrieked and stopped her foot, storming back down the hall. She actually stomped her foot; I didn't think girls did that anymore.

I rolled my eyes at her scantily clad red headed retreating figure. When I heard the floor doors close, I leaned over and picked up my slipper, chucking it as hard as I could at Jasper's door. A second later I heard the lock click and his head pop out.

"Is she gone?" He asked, glancing around the area nervously.

"This is a slut free zone, join me please and tell me why she was screaming like a banshee?" I motioned to the couch across from me. Jasper picked up my slipper and tossed it in my general direction, and then sat down.

"Her name is Victoria and we may have slept together… once… or twice… and then I didn't call her back…" I narrowed my eyes

"Pig." He stuck his tongue out at me. "Childish pig. That's your new name, Childish Pig."

"Yeah okay B, if you actually ever referred to me as each new name you give me, I'd never have the same name for more than a day." I shrugged my shoulders. I shut my laptop, putting it on the floor beside the chair, turning to give Jazz my full attention.

"Okay you childish pig, you sleeping with her and not calling her back is understandable, you do that often. Doesn't explain her being half naked here at 2 in the afternoon,"

"I may have multiple Victoria's in my phone, and I may have texted the wrong one, asking her to be ready and naked because we had some business to get to." I grimaced.

"Your lines suck. How you get pussy is beyond me. I am ashamed of my gender because they let themselves get laid by a text message as terrible as "we have some business to get to."

"Hey, it's not ALL of woman kind; it's just the dumb sluts. And honestly, without the dumb sluts, all the good girls like you, would be getting fucked over by the horny guys like me. Seriously what would we do without dumb sluts?" I nodded, because in some weird way, his logic made total sense._ Amen Dumb Sluts  
><em>

"So I still don't understand, shouldn't she be waiting in her room?"

"I was supposed to meet her at 12:30. Which means if you think about it, she's been waiting naked for about... an hour and a half?"

"Who the fuck makes plans to have sex at noon on a Saturday?" Jasper shrugged.

"I was bored, and you weren't awake yet, I needed to do something."

"So you finish your lit essay! You do your laundry! You exercise!"

"Sex is exercise Bella Boo." Emmett said. He appeared out of Rosalie's room, his hair a mess, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Morning to you too Emmy Bear." He smiled, plopping down ungracefully on the couch next to Jasper.

"What are you girls doing up so early?" I made a show of looking at my watch and back at Emmett.

"2 oclock is early?" He shrugged, yawning.

"It is when you're a college kid." He had a point.

University of Alaska, second semester freshman. Jasper and I came from the same hometown, and we knew each other way back before puberty hit. We grew up in Forks, Washington; one of those small towns where everyone knows everyone. Where our parents knew each other, and their parents knew each other. One of those towns that you couldn't wait to get out of, so we did, well Jasper and I anyway. Jasper Whitlock was my best friend.

Emmett Mcarty was Jasper's roommate; he looks really scary on the outside, and i'm sure he can be if he wants to. In honesty, Em was just a big teddy bear. At first Jasper couldn't stop complaining about "the big lug who won't stop banging some hot blond." That ended a week into the first semester; they bonded over Call of Duty, beer, and their stupid University 101 professor. Something that you learn by living at the dorm, Emmett doesn't like wearing shirts. I mean sure if I was a dude built like a monster, I wouldn't wear shirts either. His upper body was ridiculously built, as it should be. He's here on a football scholarship, and when he's not with us or with Rose, he's at the gym.

The hot blond formally mentioned was Rosalie Hale, Emmett's high school girlfriend. They both came from sunny Phoenix, Rose on a cheerleading scholarship. Rosalie and I bonded instantly. She is no doubt the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet, Sammi Sweetheart from Jersey Shore can suck it. Rose was every guys wet dream, one of those girls you could tell was just too hot for high school. She had natural blond hair, big green eyes, legs that went on for miles, a petite waist, was easily a C cup and had plenty of junk in the trunk. She was muscular though, built like an athlete, looked like a model.

We were all on floor 15 in Maria's tower, the freshman dorm. It's this large building with 17 floors, 1-6 were class rooms, and 7-17 were dorm rooms. Each floor had 16 rooms, and 2 lounges, a quiet lounge and a tv lounge, no one was ever really quiet though. Jasper and Emmett's room was facing the tv lounge, Rosalie and her roommate Angela's room next to it. Angela was almost always in Ben's room, who was one of the two resident advisers of the floor. It helped when we had to get away with stuff. My room was down the hall from the TV lounge, literally just on the opposite side of the floor.

"Hey B, Lesbian Lauren move out yet?" Emmett asked, wiggling his eyebrow's at me. I grimaced, trying to fight the feeling of nausea every time I thought of my former roommate.

"Yeah last night she took the last of her stuff."

"Just in time for the new girl!" My former roommate Lauren Mallory was a little bit of a creep. When a shirt or two went missing I assumed it was in Jasper's room because of how much time I spent in there. When my eyeliner went missing, I thought I left it somewhere. When all my clean underwear went missing, I was a little alarmed. At first I thought it was Jasper or Emmett being funny, but after through interrogation and learning it wasn't them, Rose suggested I misplaced it, but where could you really misplace that much underwear. When my _dirty_ underwear went missing I was creeped out. I looked around my room, and in my closet thinking it just fell out of my laundry bag. I did find it, in lauren's closet.

I was beyond creeped out. She took _all_ of my underwear.

Mind you this was in the first week of being here. We moved in Monday, I filed a complaint Thursday, and Friday they told her she had to be out by Saturday. Just in time for 2 new arrivals at UAlaska.

"Garrett who works in housing, told me that the guy got approved for housing but his sister applied late, and she didn't get approved so he said that he wouldn't unless she could. When she got approved, Garrett was still roommateless, therefore mysterious sibling one, roomed with you, mysterious sibling two, roomed with Garrett." Sometimes it surprised me how Jasper always came to know things.

"That's weird, I mean cool cause I guess their close, but still weird." Emmett said. Us on floor fifteen were very… understanding about things that others would criticize. Angela and Ben had been together since they were 12, most people would find that weird. Rose used to date Emmett's ex step brother (which is a disaster story in itself) which people would judge her for. There were things about me that they are very understanding with. Fifteen was a soft of family.

And we were about to get 2 new members.

"Alright children, I have to go do laundry, and try and make my side of the room look a little cleaner for when the new girl gets here. Do keep out of trouble please?" I stood up, sliding into my hello kitty slippers and taking my laptop with me.

***multiple hours later***

After three loads of laundry, the reorganization of my room while singing and dancing to music, and a shower, the new girl still hadn't arrived. The clock read 6:30 and my stomach growled; alerting me that it was dinner time. I changed into black skinny jeans and my grey UofA, pulling on black boots to complete the look. I took my hair out of its messy bun and shook it out, deeming myself satisfactory after a once over the mirror.

Grabbing my phone and my wallet I locked my door, walking towards Jasper's room and knocking loudly. I never used to knock but after walking in on Jasper and some random hussy… never again.

"Bella Boo! We've been looking all over for you! I'm fucking starving." Emmett yelled, coming out of Rosalie's room. Jasper opened his door, dressed already in black jeans and a grey vneck, his blond hair under one of those ridiculous fitted hat's he has.

"I've been in my room, where the fuck did you look?"

"Um… the lounge… Rose's room." He grinned sheepishly and I rolled my eyes, hugging him. I turned to Jasper and pulled the hat off his head, throwing it carelessly into his room.

"Hey, I was totally rockin' that." He frowned, looking behind him. I grabbed his arm and shut his door.

"In your dreams sweet heart." I linked my arm with his and walked towards Ben Cheney's room, pounding my fist against the door. Rosalie came out of her room, shutting it and holding hands with Emmett. Ben opened his door slightly, so you could only see him but not into his room, his shirt buttoned incorrectly, his hair slightly tousled.

"I was gonna ask you if you wanted to come eat dinner but…"Emmett cut me off.

"But it looks like you've been eating something else!" Rosalie slapped the back of his head as Ben blushed.

"We'll be down later." Ben muttered as he shut his door. We walked down the hall toward the doors leading to the elevator.

"What a weird time to be having sex." Jasper said, sounding genuinely baffled.

"Says the guy that booked an appointment at noon." The elevator came and we all got in, pressing the B level where our café was.

"So what're we doing after dinner?" Rose asked.

"We could drink." I suggested.

"It would be a good way to introduce the new girl to what we do on weekends,"

"And week days"

"And all major holidays except Christmas." Rose laughed.

"Speak for yourself sweetheart, Santa and I bond over tequila." I mock saluted her.

"Did the new girl get here yet?" Emmett asked. I shook my head.

"I'm guessing she'll be here after dinner?" It was weird that the new girl wasn't here yet; most kids couldn't wait to move in.

We headed to the dining hall, walking towards separate parts of the café. Jasper usually headed to the hot food, grilled chicken, rice, salad, that kind of stuff. Emmett went for the big ass burgers and fries. Rose and I usually went for sushi; or rather I usually went for sushi and Rose just kinda went for whatever she felt like that day.

We paid and reconvened at a table, talking and eating.

Since first semester it's been routine for us, and I loved these guys, I wouldn't change it for the world.

**Edward**

"Alice Cullen I swear to god, if you don't get a move on I'm going to slash the tires on your car!" I yelled, as I passed her room, taking the last box out down the stairs and into the car. My sister floated out of the house, holding a big yellow bag by some designer I couldn't care to remember.

"Gosh Edward, I know your eager to leave but looking this fabulous takes time my dear brother." She twirled around as though it would matter to me.

"Yes Alice you look gorgeous as always, your car all packed Pixie?" I slammed the trunk shut and watched Alice adjust a few things in the backseat of her obnoxiously bright yellow Porsche.

"Yeah, all packed. Thank you for the new Marc Jacobs bag by the way" She grinned cheekily as she turned to face me, holding her hands out.

"Pixie, do you not know the meaning of presents?" I asked, opening the passenger side to get the box on the seat. She took it and opened the top, as though she didn't already know what it looked like.

"It is not my fault I knew already, thank you though it's the one I wanted"

"Yeah, you wouldn't shut up about it for weeks, I figured I'd get it for you." I teased. "Ready to hit the road? We have a 2 hour drive and we're gonna hit traffic. It's already 4:30."

"We're gonna make it there in 2 hours and 25 minutes, including my coffee break. Stop worrying Eddie." I frowned.

"Don't call me Eddie."

"Do you think they'll like us?" She looked at the ground, sounding more vulnerable then I've heard in a very long time.

"Hey Pixie look at me, look at me." Tears were in her eyes as she turned to me, and I grabbed her hand. "They're going to fucking love you; they're going to fucking love **us**." She looked at me for a second and then grinned, putting her sun glasses on.

"Beat you there." She said, stepping into her car. I went around to the drivers side of my silver volvo.

"You're on." I slid into the car and shut the door. Alice revved the engine and I sped off, her just a few seconds behind me.

Let's do this shit.

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><p>Alice and I lived in Glacier View, a little town in Anchorage Alaska most of our lives, adopted by Carlisle and Esme Cullen from the Los Angeles Orphanage when we were 6.<p>

_Flashback_

"_Edward, there's gonna be a family here to see me today." I looked up from the book I was reading. "Edward maybe they'll want to adopt us!" Alice smiled, her eyes filled with excitement. I forced a smile, opening my mouth to explain that this time wouldn't be any different; they only wanted to see her. This was the third family this week. She really liked the couple that came to see her two weeks ago, but when she made it clear that we were a package deal, they ended up adopting 7 year old Tanya, a child who didn't have a twin brother she wouldn't go anywhere without. _

_I couldn't find the words. "Really Pixie? Tell them about the deal, maybe they'll take us both." She nodded and stood up, walking toward the mirror to fix her hair._

"_They're a really young couple, and they can't have kids, they don't want babies though." I had gotten used to Alice always knowing things. After losing every game of hide and seek, I learned not to bet against her. Alice knowing things was something we kept between us, when she told Ms. Cope she didn't want to see the Denali family because they weren't going to adopt her, they were going to adopt Jessica, Ms. Cope was quite confused. When the prediction came true, things got kind of complicated._

_True to Alice's word, Ms. Cope came into the room a few minutes later, announcing that a couple was here to see Alice. _

"_Sweetheart, you might not want to bring up Edward this time. They really want a little girl, this could be good for you." I wanted to yell at Ms. Cope for diminishing the light in my sister's eyes. Alice sighed and sat down next to me, grabbing my hand and turning towards the woman. _

"_Sorry Ms. Cope, you know how this works." She said softly._

"_Go Alice." I whispered. I shrugged my hand out of hers._

"_I can't leave you Edward, you know the deal. It's both of us or not." _

"_How long are we going to keep waiting Pixie? I said I'd always protect you, but you need a family, you need a mom and a dad. When I get out of here I'll find you I promise." She crossed her arms across her chest._

"_I'm not going Edward." I stood, holding my hand out to her to pull her up._

"_You can just speak to them, I'll stand outside the door and wait for you to come out. You can just tell them your name and see if you like them." She looked at me for a minute, then put her hand in mine._

"_I'm only saying hi." She paused, "Maybe if I tell them about us being a package deal they'll want both of us." I smiled sadly at my sister. Alice always saw the good in people, she was all that was right in the world, naive, innocent, she probably believed that everyone was made of rainbows._

_I was the level headed one. Even at six. _

_Alice was in the room with them for 25 minutes. I remember because I watched the clock tick by as I sat on the floor next to the door of the office. The old wooden door creaked open and Ms. Cope looked down at me, smiling largely. __**Oh god, Alice loved them, she's leaving me.**_

"_Edward, please come in." I stood up and brushed off my jeans, looking at the woman wearily. I followed her into the room, Alice sitting on one side of the desk, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen on the other. The brown haired doe eyed woman grinned widely when she saw me. _

"_You must be Edward." She said, her voice was soothing, reminded me of honey. _

"_Yes, Ma'am, how do you do?" I stood behind Alice's chair, my hands on her shoulders. _

"_Oh Carlisle he's so polite!" She cooed, her hands gripping her husbands. He looked at her for a moment, and then looked back at me._

"_Son, we met your sister, and we like her very much, If we wanted to adopt her, would that be okay?" I swallowed hard. He looked like a very nice man, he had short blond hair and spoke firmly, but his eyes were kind. They would make very good parents to Alice. _

"_I only want what's best for my sister sir." He smiled at me._

"_Well, when we told her that we'd love to take her for the trial week, she made it very clear that she was a package deal. So Edward, how would you like to come home with us too?" I was in disbelief these people had spoken to Alice for 25 minutes, me for 2 minutes, and were all ready to take us home. "Your sister speaks highly of you." Alice grabbed my hand and smiled up at me._

"_Sir, I think I would like that very much."_

_Ms. Cope shooed us out of the room to let us pack what little belongings we had, while the Cullen's filled out paperwork._

"_Edward, Edward they want us. They want us both." Alice wrapped her arms around me, hugging me hard._

"_Yeah they do Pixie" _

_End Flashback_

Carlisle and Esme Cullen were angels in disguise. They lived comfortably, but had enough money to live luxuriously if they wanted. Carlisle was a doctor, Esme an interior designer, he specialized in neurology, and she designed rooms for a lot of people in Alaska, and then some.

Alice and I took to them quickly, Alice faster than I anyway. I waited for them to send us back at the end of the week, but when they tucked us in, and kissed us goodnight, I knew we were home.

Carlisle was keynote speaker at a convention, and Esme went with him. They were due to be back tomorrow, and felt terrible that they couldn't be here when we moved into our dorms of UAlaska. We didn't mind though.

The people in Glacier View weren't the kindest. Alice and I learned that the hard way. We spend so many years in only each other's company that we stuck together even though we had the option not to. We made a few friends, but kids always called us names, taunted us. Somehow among teenagers, your twin sister being your best friend is just asking to be bullied. We made a few friends, but none that really stuck with us, and all Alice ever really wanted was for people to like her, but not at the sacrifice of our bond.

When you were like us, her always… knowing things, and me, me always knowing what was going on in someone else's head, you had to stick together. Fuck everyone else.

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><p><strong>AN there you go :) chaper one. You should get the next one in a few days, i'm half way done with it. Leave me some love people! **


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